For the past few months, I’ve decided that in accepting the will of God, I need for my will to be HIS will, not for His will to be MY will. Make sense? I have desires deep in the depths of my heart and soul, and I know that God knows all about my innermost being. In fact, I believe that most of those desires He placed there Himself. But I’ve come to realize that no matter how bad I want something, everything has to fall in place with what He wants. If it’s not His will, it is in vain.
I believe that along with the will of God comes a time, a season, a purpose. God’s will comes with God’s terms and too many times I find myself trying to work according to my own terms and conditions, attempting to rush God. And too many times I also find that this doesn’t work. Finally I came to a place of realization…a place I believe God brought me to in order for me to understand His will and way. I’m allowed to go anywhere and everywhere He wants to take me, however, there are things/people/thoughts/mindsets from this life and level that I am not allowed to take with me. For a long time, I’ve tried to go from one level to the next, dragging junk along, only to be stuck somewhere God hasn’t intended for me to stay. There’s no way I’ll be allowed to go through the door of a new level carrying something that is unacceptable to the will He has for me. If I would just be willing to let it go and leave it behind, He’ll call me in and continue to take me even higher.
One Sunday morning during worship service, I said to the Lord, “Okay God, take me higher with You. I know there are things I can’t take with me. Please give me the wisdom to know what I cannot take and the strength to leave it behind.”
That was hard enough on it’s own, but then a few weeks later, I had to deal with the issue of pain. Another realization that I had to receive, whether I wanted to or not…when it comes to God’s will, I still have to accept it, even when it hurts. And boy, does it hurt sometimes. Seeing others allowed to do what MY heart desires to do, but I’m not allowed because it’s not my time yet; and not just that, but also with things that occur in my daily life. For the past month or so, I keep having to remind myself, “I must accept God’s will, even when it hurts.”
Today as I was in prayer, God Himself reminded me of this, yet again. “Child, I know it hurts, but even my own son had to accept my will, knowing it would hurt.” Ouch. Jesus prayed twice within the few scriptures of Matthew 26:36-46 that if it would be possible, let the cup pass from Him, but nevertheless, “not as I will, but as YOU will.”
God’s will will not always hurt, and He doesn’t want us to always feel hurt; but we do have to sacrifice and surrender our own timing, terms and conditions to completely walk in all that He has called us to. And let me be the first to say, these words are hard to swallow! Yet in the end, the reward is more than worth it.