The first thing I think of when I hear the word freedom is, of course, the United States and it’s history. Second? Jesus and all that God has done for us. Third? Well, I’m twisted. I remember that brand of maxi pads that used to be around years ago that came in HUGE ugly boxes (with women either jumping, sailing, or hiking on them) that no matter how hard I tried to plug my nose while my Mom picked out baby food down the aisle from them, I was still haunted by their over-deodorized scent. Fourth? Well, this guy, naturally:
Which for the last few years makes me think of this song:
Everything is a waiting game. I try to stash every element into little slots in tiny boxes to make it fit temporarily until I have a chance to perfect it later.
Problem is “temporary fixes” have been in place since last summer. 9 months isn’t temporary. I mean, HELLO, life is created in 9 months. You can’t get much more permanent than that!
It’s been one thing after another. Illnesses, events, projects, blah blah blah. I love my life, I do, but I am tired of playing catch up. Catch up with what? My own self made tasks. Stress that I’M causing. I need FREEDOM! Freedom to be creative. Freedom to live.
I’m so busy trying to catch up that I lack spontaneity. I don’t even like my writing lately. (Not that I ever do, but more so that usual.) It’s poor and not well thought out, just thrown together. My sweet adoring husband even mentioned it to me the other day. It’s that bad.
So, today I’m
throwing out all of the lists reorganizing my priorities. (I can’t throw out the lists! Have you gone mad?)
If it wasn’t done before today, it’s going on a “when I have time” list. Everything upcoming? I’m giving myself set time each week for crafting, sewing, and other creative endeavors. What gets done, gets done. What doesn’t, doesn’t. More time will be set aside for writing in a notebook when the mood hits instead of late at night, exhausted, trying to type what I think I remember I wanted to write before the kids fell asleep.
Do I feel liberated by making this move? Absolutely! God never intended me to feel such guilt over something so silly as, “Oh, but I said I was going to do this last week… to myself… and I never even told anyone… but I’m ashamed!” Nope. My heavenly Father wants me to live FREE and enjoy His creation and these beautiful children He gave me!
Am I scared? You betcha!
Wow, I feel so much better though. FREEEEEEEEDOM!
How about you? Did you ever set such high expectations up for yourself that when you finally gave in and fell, it felt good?
Be sure to check out all the other letter F posts at Ben and Me!