Tag Archive Hurt

ByAngie

How To Build Your Own Lemonade Stand Step 1: Grieve

1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;4 time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;7 a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NKJV

For some reason, many people (not just men) are afraid to admit that they are not experiencing any emotion other than joy. Especially Christians. Some feel that it is sinful, or makes them not as good as the next person. However, as the scripture above points out, (Turn, Turn, Turn… Ha, you know it’s stuck in your head now too…) there is a time for everything.

To mourn and grieve is very important to the healing process. Without embracing the truth, acknowledging it, dealing with it, and accepting that something happened you may not ever truly move on. Sure, you can be all happy/smiley and say “Praise the Lord!” after everything everyone says, but that doesn’t mean you’re happy. The body, heart, mind, and soul need to grieve in a healthy matter for a healthy amount of time. It should not be rushed or dragged out.

Unfortunately, really horrible bad things happen in this world: Death, natural and unnatural. Rape. Miscarriage. Child abuse. Illness. Job loss. Divorce. Infidelity. Break ups. Infertility. Muggings. Robberies. Car accidents. Etc, etc, etc… After any of these situations, it is normal to grieve and expected. It is even normal to “mildly grieve” over much smaller less upsetting situations. Anyone who’s had a bad hair cut knows what I’m talking about. (I forgive Karen & Emily for butchering my hair when I was 16, really… but that doesn’t mean I didn’t mourn it for a few days.)

Yes, as Christians we should have joy. Yes, we should see the positive and not the negative. But we are also commanded that there IS a time to mourn. That means it’s accepted. Should you not allow this process, you may miss out on a complete healing.

Just remember, it’s called GOOD GRIEF for a reason. And that prayer is NEVER a bad thing. The more the better!

ByAngie

I Won A Prize!!!

In July of 2004, I made friends with a group of people in an IHOP. If you know me, this comes as no surprise. We ended up merging our tables and the other group came and sat with my group. One of these persons is a guy who we will refer to as “Chuck”…

That night was full of fun and laughter. I kept in touch with a few via phone, text, myspace, email, etc. “Chuck” was one of them. A few years later we reacquainted. I was busy with work/life and never thought twice about him. He was dating Julie, who I didn’t know.

Fast forward a few months: “Chuck” is about to leave for deployment (He was a Marine) and wants to meet up, just as friends. Before you know it, “Chuck” and I are dating. Only mentioned an ex-girlfriend a few times. Leaves for Iraq, and while there: rips my heart to shreds. I was left hurt, very confused, and angry. I was determined before that to never fall for anyone again, and I did… only to be let down.

In the time we were dating before he left, I got to know some of his friends. One was his best friend’s girlfriend, Le Anna. When “Chuck” and I broke up, she insisted I come along on a girls night. She brought 2 other girls. Steph and….. Julie, who also brought her now husband. I realized within seconds she was the girl in the pictures with “Chuck” a few months before I started dating him, but we were very cool with each other and quickly became friends. Before the end of the night, she ended up consoling me, and we both insisted we had to remain in contact.

That was almost 5 years ago. Now, I could easily look back on all of that and say “God, why? Why did you allow my heart to be broken?” However, I look at it like this, “God, thank you for the gift of friendship you have given me in these 3 women. Especially Julie. She’s always there right when I need her with a wise word, song lyric, or scripture. It was all worth it to know these girls!”

God knows what he’s doing, people. All the time. Even when we aren’t serving him at the time. And what may seem like something horrible in your midst, never forget that something good can come from it. Even the Bible states this:

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28 NKJV

A month after I met Julie, I met and married my husband Bobby who is the love of my life. I could have NEVER imagined that I would ever find someone like him. He is a dream come true and one of the greatest gifts God ever gave me. I quickly forgot about “Chuck”, and still had 3 awesome new friends! A few months later, Julie and Chad were married and remain to be very happy.

You know what that means…

“Chuck” is apparently “Good Luck”… If you’re single and tired of it, I suggest looking him up… Just kidding. Save yourself the trouble, don’t. Just be friends with us instead.

 

ByAngie

Don’t Make Me Wash That Mouth Out!!!

Grrr… Don’t you just hate it? You bring this sweet little baby home. They love you, need you, want you to hold them, beg for your help… Only to suddenly start talking back and being disrespectful. Of all the ways a child can misbehave, my biggest annoyance are children that talk back, and right after that, whining. My biggest pet peeve are parents who let their kids talk back and whine, but as usual, I’m getting off topic here…

Oh, c’mon. You know it irritates you too… You give everything you can for this child. You lose sleep, spend all of your money, put them before yourself, pretend you care about their interests when really, and I mean really, you do NOT want to watch another episode of whatever annoying kids show they’re into at the moment and then talk about it constantly until the next interest comes along in about six months… Only for them to talk back.

You become so angry. Not just that they are showing you disrespect, but that you made them feel comfortable enough to even attempt it. And then the worry, what if it never stops? What if it’s a sign of the future? What kind of adult will they be if they can’t respect their parents? (Don’t worry, all kids do it on occasion. Handle it the right way and they’ll still be stable adults.) But still, you are hurt and usually angry.

Now, let me ask you this?

When was the last time you talked back to God?

You know, when He told you to do something. When He said “No” and you threw a tantrum. When He showed you something and you said “Uh, no, sorry, I don’t think so!”

The love we feel for our children does not even begin to cover the love our Lord feels for us. If His love is that much greater, how much more is His hurt? We are human, yes, but we as Christians need to be more mindful of this! I’ve heard of it happening a LOT lately… and even worse, I’ve been doing it myself. I’m pretty sure if I do it just one more time, I’m going to get my mouth washed out with soap and find myself on a trip to the woodshed.

Here’s the good news. He forgives. Even better? He forgets. Isn’t that amazing?

Dear Lord,

Forgive me for my lapse of judgement. I have been so selfish, forgive me for that also. Cleanse my heart. Wrap me in your arms, teach me your ways, and never let me go.

Love,

Your Child

 

ByAngie

How To Build Your Own Lemonade Stand: When Life Gives You Lemons & God Makes Lemonade

We’ve all heard the old saying:

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade…”

What does this mean exactly? Basically, to take something sour & bitter and turn it into something sweet. A negative into a positive. As Christians, we deal with this on a different level as we are to spread God’s love to a dying world.

In every day situations, this may be easy to do. But what about when the unthinkable happens? Something so traumatic, that finding the pros is completely impossible when there are so many cons lined up against you? It becomes difficult to find the good with the bad, and to show love and be positive to others when we feel so full of hurt/anger/sadness and negativity.

I’ll be the first to say, this is not my favorite subject to write about. It has taken me a long time to learn this lesson myself. But when God says “write”, by golly, you better write.

So, from here we will begin a Tuesday series. I hope you’ll follow along and read what the Lord has told me to write and be blessed.

 

ByAngie

Today Is The Greatest Day I’ve Ever Known…

Originally written by Angie on January 21, 2010

This morning I woke up in a “mood”.   I felt sensitive and vulnerable.

I know that some are affected this way by the weather, but I don’t believe that was the cause of my outlook.  In fact, I’m feeling down that our rainy days are coming to an end soon.  I love stormy weather, and this week has just been great for me in that sense. I find myself dreading Saturday when it is forecasted to be partly sunny by afternoon.

I started off just annoyed to be awake.  I think we all have a day like that from time to time, right?  I didn’t sleep well last night, and the fact that today was already here just really flat out ticked me off.  Then I checked my email and something that I wouldn’t normally think twice about made me want to cry.  In general I was feeling down and discouraged, feeling as though doom and gloom were on the horizon. As I went on with my morning, I just kept thinking “I don’t want today to be like this!”  I most certainly didn’t want to be the cause of anyone else’s bad attitude with my negativity, either.

When I was a little girl and a teenager, if I was feeling down, my Grandma would tell me: “Why should you be sad?  We have Jesus!  Read your Bible for a little while and I’m sure you’ll feel better.”  Grandma was also known for her love of Pollyanna and looking on the bright side.

I figured I’d give it a try this morning. I mean, I read my Bible on a regular basis, but what could it hurt to just stop and read and expect something to cheer me up?

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!
Isaiah 52:7

Now how does that not make you feel better, huh?  Makes it hard to have a negative outlook, I’ll say that much…

ByAngie

Trust-O-Meter 4000

Once upon a time I was a different person. I rarely doubted anyone. I took each person for what they said they were. I forgave most simply because they said they were sorry for some of the most hurtful heartbreaking things that had been done to me. And I dropped everything at a moment’s notice to be there for friends who needed me.

Sadly, like most people in this world, I have changed. I was hurt, deeply, in several different instances where those that I loved and considered dear friends betrayed me in one way or another. I didn’t change overnight, it was after being hurt repeatedly to different degrees by various loved ones over the course of years and allowing the hurt and frustration to build up.

In trying to move past the pain, I blocked out the memory, sometimes almost “deleting” the person from my memory to the best of my ability and pretending the hurt never happened. “They’re dead to me” I would so easily exclaim if someone asked me when I last talked to the person, proud of my hardened heart and letting the world know that my ego was not bruised but instead stroked.

Obviously, this is ineffective as the hurt is still there, growing, causing me to be doubting, flaky, and distrusting of others. Besides, as soon as in some way or another whether by running across an old picture of different people, hearing another speak of them, or running into them the pain was quickly remembered as though a bandage was ripped away from the wound, taking the stitches with it and leaving all my anguish exposed. I talk myself down from the anger. “That person has no idea. And look who I am now in spite of all they did to hurt me! They have suffered such a loss to not know me any longer! All of the happiness they claim to have now is fake, because they certainly don’t deserve it. I dare them to attempt to do the same thing to me now. They’d have another thing coming!” Only to realize very quickly “They probably could care less about anything to do with me.”

And here is where it comes full circle…

The reality smacks me right in the face because I KNOW that there are people out there that I’ve hurt, whether intentional or unintentional, that I could care less about what is going on in their lives or where they are now.

Ouch. “What kind of person am I? That’s just disgusting! I wasn’t raised to be this way! Forgive and forget, love one another!”

It seems just in the last few months I’ve been tossed in with memories of many different past hurts and had to deal with them. Sometimes so overwhelming, not understanding why, my only option was to cry and have a pity party. Just a few moments ago I was asking God “Why do I have to go through all this, dealing with all of these people so close together?” I wasn’t even done asking when I realized it’s because something needs to change. I learned at a woman’s conference I attended years ago as a teenager that in order to move past the hurt, grow from it, and heal you must forgive those that hurt you.

Now, I’m going to be honest, as much as I say I forgive everyone for whatever they did to me, there are probably 2 or 3 that I don’t want to forgive. 1 of those people I forgave for one of the worst things a person could do to another mother only to be betrayed nearly the same way all over again months later. I realize that forgiveness doesn’t mean I have to be friendly, but just the simple act of letting go of the hurt and sometimes anger seems impossible. Why should that person be forgiven for such a horrible thing? I guess the answer is simple, because if I don’t I’m living in sin and as long as I carry this burden around I’m going to be unhappy. I don’t want to be this person who doesn’t take people for their words, doubts every single persons motive for being nice to me, assuming every friend I have secretly hates me. Why should everyone in my life now pay for the sins of those that were in my life in the past?

If only everyone had a stamp on their foreheads to state whether they were trustworthy, and meter to show just how real or fake they really are…

That’s not how it is, though. This is real life. Time for me to pick myself back up, again. Time to dust off my genuine smile, and know that people are being nice to me because they simply like me, not to dig up dirt on a myself, a friend, or family member. Time to take people for their words, and not second guess every other statement.

It might take a little time, and that’s okay. I’m damaged, but through forgiveness of others and forgiveness from God, I can be whole again.

Originally written by Angie as "If Only..." on February 4th, 2010